In Kenya, there is a familiar response many people hear when they say they are retired: “Oh, you are retired but not tired.” It is usually delivered with a smile, sometimes even admiration. The intention is kind. It is meant to affirm vitality, relevance, and continued life. Yet beneath this well-meaning phrase lies an uncomfortable question many retirees quietly ask themselves: am I supposed to be tired now that I am retired?
Though this may not be a Kenya specific expression, its regular use reveals what society believes. The fact that people feel compelled to add “but not tired” suggests that, deep down, we associate retirement with exhaustion, decline, or fading away. The compliment only works because there is an unspoken assumption that retirement naturally leads to tiredness – physical, mental, or even emotional. Otherwise, there would be no need for the rider.
For some retirees, this phrase can feel awkward. Instead of encouragement, it creates pressure. It raises self-doubt: What if I am tired? What if my body feels slower, my energy uneven, my motivation uncertain? Am I failing at retirement? In a society that already struggles to speak honestly about ageing, such comments can make people in retirement feel that they must act a certain way to show that they are not “tired” which is a euphemism for an ending.
The truth is that retirement is tiring for many people – not because they are weak, but because change itself demands energy. Leaving a long-held routine, losing a work identity, adjusting to new social roles, and rethinking purpose takes emotional and psychological effort. For some, there are also health concerns, financial uncertainty, or family support responsibilities. Tiredness in this context is not a personal failure; it is a human response to a major life transition – which may mean uncertainty and trying to figure out life after work.
In general, we praise retirees who look busy, active, and energetic, and quietly judge those who slow down. Rest becomes suspicious. Stillness looks like decline. Admitting fatigue feels like weakness. As a result, many retirees hide their struggles behind polite smiles, while feeling increasingly disconnected.
The phrase “retired but not tired” also exposes our discomfort with ageing. The rhyme is catchy, but few people pause to consider what it implies. We feel reassured when older people appear energetic, and uneasy when they admit to feeling tired. So, we rush to affirm, to soften, to reassure – denying the reality of ageing rather than engaging with it honestly.
Perhaps the more helpful response when someone says they are retired is not a slogan, but a question: How does it feel now that you are retired? This simple shift allows for conversation – including the positive and not so positive aspects of retirement – which over time can inform the much-needed conversation on retirement in Kenya.
Life in retirement has its ebbs and flows. Some days you may feel deeply engaged – other days, genuinely tired. Rather than expecting retirees to live up to cheerful clichés – it is important to create space for honest conversations about what this transition really feels like.
After all, while retirement does not automatically mean being tired, tiredness is not something that requires an apology. The reality is that one can be retired – and possibly tired -and that, too, is perfectly okay.